My little memoir of self improvement

First off, there are many benefits of writing. I believe it helps people articulate their thoughts and emotions better. Personally, as someone with A.D.D. whose thoughts often can jump from one thing to another every second when I’m in a poor enough mood, writing ALWAYS helps me finish getting from point A to B in my thoughts, and internalize them more.

I’m partially writing on this blog as a self-improvement process. They say my generation has an issue sticking with stuff. I started this blog in September and had only made two posts before this one. I had the intention to write in this a couple times per week. As someone who always keeps score and likes to win, I wish I could say this pattern wasn’t prevalent in my life lately.
I think I’m going to set up a sort of personal procrastination-journal series. It’s going to go over my goals for myself and the progress I had made toward them. Anything other than myself that’s impeding my progress should be taken account for.

I feel like being such a procrastinator has been a cancer to myself my whole life.
I also feel like because I succeeded academically regardless of these terrible habits, I haven’t made the correct efforts to try to fix these things.
And my goals have been cut off by this.
I don’t know what is more of the issue though; procrastinating itself or the melancholy that comes with it. I feel like when you procrastinate so long on something, you lose the desire for it. I think it’s because your brain sees you not following through on the right effort necessary of the lofty expectations we set, and it ruins our commitment to the task. It gets stuck in a sort of amalgamation of not being in the moment for the task, being stuck in that gear and stimulation of the whatever we are doing instead, and magnifying whatever task we have to do so it seems like a bigger deal to do than it is.
The last part of this little vicious cycle I would like to touch on is the personal desire to do the task. If results are the evidence of our commitment, and you don’t even do it correctly when you clearly have the ability and the time, then you HAVE to question your desire to do it. Either that or you are distracted as hell and you have to realize that issue.

So, another little thing I want to touch on as a procrastinator are the simple benefits of getting work done faster. I’m sure some of you know this already, but it’s always good to re-iterate things, right?
1. You know that little paradigm in real word work where they say you’ll spend 30% of your time getting 70% of the progress you need, and 70% of your time doing that last 30% of the progress? We often underestimate that last 30% of the progress. It’s normally tied with the logistics of the moving parts of the tasks, and not the heart, essence, or functionality of the work you do.
When you get the work done earlier, you get that 30% of your time/70% of the work out of the way. You then have the necessary time to not rush that last 30% percent of the work, and you can make sure the quality of your work is up to snuff.
2. You never know what unforeseen factors and BS that come up in real world work and logistics of your task. When you have a bulk of your work done already, those things that come up are much easier and you don’t need to worry about work you still need to do.

I’ve noticed about myself that I think EVERYTHING that I’ve failed, I definitely had the skill to do it but there were some logistics/other little parts that I underestimated, and it ends up screwing me.

I’m working harder on not being my own enemy. Cheers to that.

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Let’s be alone together! (I’m sorry I’m going to ramble.)

Personally, I love gaming. But sometimes I wish my friends would put down the controllers and chill. It gets so impersonal sometimes. And the same 2 games now for weeks in a row.

“Do we have to stop doing what we like to walk somewhere and eat dinner together?”

Not all the time, but yeah sometimes. Loving the moment with your fellow people is 100 times more important than whatever’s going on in a screen. (We can play the same match for the 500th time, or we can go enjoy the outside air and eat together before it becomes winter.) I think doing stuff is just better in variety too. Before it gets boring, ya know?

Couldn’t even enjoy the nice, brisk night.

Another cigarette (not as bad as you might think!)

Today, I had a cigarette. My 3rd since March. (I’m only pretty sure it’s only my 3rd.)

Of course, smoking is generally a bad thing, that can become a most terrible thing, especially seeing as how I have athletic aspirations for the future. But I felt the outside air when I walked my dog, and I thought “God, what a perfect day! It would be a good day for a cigarette!” So on this 75 degree Chicago day, as the sun was setting at 6:50 for some really nice imagery, I had a cigarette. Light menthol Natural American Spirit. Mmm mmm.

Maybe it was the tobacco, but it felt like my whole day just slowed down. I was able to take in the air, the sight, and just kinda appreciate the moment. This was really good change from how fast the work week flies by, being super busy and productive for “the man.”

And normally, I feel especially bad after having a cigarette. It causes cancer. My cousin and aunt died of smoking induced cancer. Bad for respiration, extra stress on the organs. Elevated blood pressure in my family with a history of hypertension. In the past, smoking has caused me some guilt.
Another thing is, I believe my family has addictive personalities all around. We all drink at least a little, pretty much nightly. As you can see, I can go a full 4-6 months, and still get a sudden urge for a cigarette. I have to fight them off all the time.
So, after having this one, I was able to tell myself that it’s okay. Just having one for the feel of it a small handful of times per year is not bad.

But at the pace I’m smoking, is it really all that bad? Can’t be, right? I run the next day. Workout generally a lot.
I would actually appreciate some fitness and medical buffs letting me know if there ARE any side effects of having one cigarette every few months. Are my chances of cancer still elevated? Does it greatly hinder my cardio? I’d love to hear a few cents about that.

So. Well. Whenever and whoever is reading this, please enjoy your evening. Take care. *thumbs up.*

A first post

I don’t know how many years I’ve had this account. But this is my first post. I have to change things around on this page. Make it look prettier and more suitable to my tastes.

My goal with this blog:
1) Write and spend 15 minutes a day doing so. I like writing, and it’s a real shame that I don’t keep up or exercise it in anyway. So here I am. I’m here to express myself.

2) Use CMSs more. Get more familiar with them. I have some skill in creative CMSs. I made a few things in Drupal before with mixed results. But getting myself in the site creating mindset can be an extremely useful job skill, so I’m here to exercise that as well.

I hope my posts are at least a fraction as entertaining as they could be. If you are one of the unlucky ones reading this, or a friend of mine that I referred so that maybe we can keep in touch and you can hear some honest thoughts from me, then I hope it can be worth your time.

Alright now, enjoy and God bless. 🙂